LUST

I was stuck in a traffic on Lekki-Epe. Rain hitting the windshield, horns blaring, danfo conductors shouting insults into the night. My phone screen lit up and my heart skipped a beat when I saw the name flashing through the screen. Kola “Where are you?” His voice was deep, calm, unyielding; felt like a hand at my throat. A command wrapped in velvet and I had learned too quickly that I liked it.

“Traffic... I'm stuck in traffic. I can't stay for long tonight".

“no worries, I'll make the little time we'll have worth it.” I could sense the amusement from his voice. "Maybe you'd want more of me after..."

He was right. God, he was right. I wanted him the way people want things they know will ruin them. I wanted to disappear into the feeling he gave me, I wanted sin to bury himself inside me, I wanted to lose my edges, to feel nothing but heat and stars and the dangerous quiet that follows surrender.

“You’re insane,” I murmured, heat creeping up my neck.

“And you love it.” A pause. Then, softer, “Tell me what you’re wearing under that dress.”

My pulse thudded. I glanced towards at the driver in the driver's seat, half-expecting him to hear everything. I glanced sideways and there was an old man standing by the roadside selling plantain chips, completely unaware that my world was tilting.

“We can talk about that when I get to your place,” I said, forcing my voice into something teasing, controlled.

“Sure,” he replied. “I’ll be waiting, sweetness.”

The word settled low in my body. Sweetness. I loved that he called me that. I loved the hunger in his eyes when he wanted me, the way he watched me like patience was a skill he had learned the hard way. Sometimes I withheld myself just to see it, to watch him ache, to hear it in his voice. And when I finally gave in, I gave him everything. The softness, the fire, the parts of me I chose to hide. I wanted to be lost. To sink so deep into this ocean of sin that there would be no strength left to swim out. To drown in it until I was stripped bare of guilt, until even the rot was burned clean.

I met Kola at a wedding in Lekki. He was the groom’s cousin, with a voice so deep it felt like sin was vibrating in my bones. He's very handsome and he knows the effect his looks had on women. Two days later, I was in his Victoria Island penthouse, standing on the balcony at 2AM, the city lights glittering.

I wasn’t supposed to be there. I had a husband. A calm, sweet man in Surulere. But Kola… there's just something about him. He has this effect on me that I can't seem to get over nor control. Kola was trouble in designer cologne. The kind of man who texted “come over now” and made it sound like a threat and a promise.

That night, the music from his apartment was loud, but our breathing was louder. The cool night air kissed my bare skin as he pulled me close against the railing, Lagos traffic humming far below. I could see headlights moving under them like fireflies. Each one carrying strangers who would never know what was happening above their heads. He bent me over and rammed me from behind. I lost my senses in that moment. I murmured and moaned out all sorts of rubbish. I hadn't felt such pleasure in my five years of marriage with Edward. Edward was careful with me, always asking questions I didn't want to answer in between. He always killed the mood for me. Kola tortured me, thrusting slowly when I needed him to go fast and thrusted fast when I thought I had enough, sending me to cloud 9 all over again. He didn’t rush pleasure, he orchestrated it. And I broke beautifully every time.

When it was over, I laughed. Not the giggly, innocent laugh I would give Edward when he would ask me annoying question during our intimate moments; but the wild, cracked laugh of someone who had just done something they couldn’t undo. This man is going to be my down fall and I am not going to stop him.

The next morning, I left before sunrise, smelling of his cologne and my shame. And when I was about getting into a taxi, my husband called

“Hey,” Edward said warmly. “I’ll be flying in today.”

"Oh... I'll be waiting for you my love"

He hesitated. “I had a bad dream. You were in danger, and I couldn’t save you. I woke up scared.”

You have no idea.

“I’m fine,” I said softly. “It was just a dream.” But deep down, I knew the truth.

This was only the beginning of how things might get worse. Or how they might destroy me entirely and I still wanted it. I wanted my marriage and I wanted the sin I had with Kola. Tonight, I will savour every moment of us, every dangerous second with him, because he is a sin I am not ready to let go of. no matter the cost.